Best Birthday Greeting Ev-ah!

Señor Presidente:

I wish you a day of as bland and painless an
aspect as is possible under the circumstances,
given your graying eminence, the burden of
presidential power, the awful dignity of tenure,
and the many ailments you have no doubt begun to
suffer from in various shameful parts of your
body and mind. May it be such a day that the 364
days of hardcore annoyance and adversity to
follow will almost seem worth it, thanks to the
peak experience of your Cake Moment. Let the
party horns honk, and the young-uns thwack you
unrestrainedly during their sugar high!

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